COACHILLA

From what I saw growing up, my parents didn’t have a good marriage. This affected my perception of marriages. I didn’t think they were necessarily bad, and I didn’t think they were something to aspire for either. So when girls my age were dreaming about their beautiful wedding day and their perfect husband, I didn’t care about any of it; “Maybe one day I will get married. Maybe I won’t. I am fine with whatever happens.”  I grew up one day and found myself facing life as a grown adult. Everything was different, even my perceptions about life and relationships. I entered into a relationship with a guy I was so much in love with. I was convinced he was the one for me so I gave him my all. This made me put up with a lot of toxicity. Even when the relationship became bad for my mental health, I thought I could make it work. I couldn’t. The relationship kept going bad until it eventually ended. The whole thing was wrong and you might think ending it would make me happy. No, i...

My story began in my second year at the university. I was a committed member of a campus church denomination. There was no program or service that I missed. On that fateful day, as I left my hostel for yet another program, I did not know that my life was going to change.  When the service ended, I locked eyes with a young man with a warm smile. I didn’t find him the least bit attractive but he had a striking presence. I smiled at him and walked away. I didn’t think much of him until I met him again at my aunt’s office. That day I took a good look at him. He is very short and has a  distinct look. He is not handsome but he has the kind of face you could never forget. That day he was in the company of a beautiful lady. I smiled and nodded at him in recognition but didn’t speak to him. After that day I thought of him from time to time. Then I met him again when I went to do my attachment. He was working at the institution. “If I didn’t know better, I’d say this guy wa...

I am the sort of person who likes making friends. And people are easily drawn to me because of my bubbly personality. Most of my friends happen to be men. No, I’m not one of those women who say “I prefer male friends to female friends.” It’s just how it is. I understand that people get the wrong impression when a woman has a lot of male friends, but that has never concerned me. I know how to draw healthy boundaries with my friends so that lines don’t get crossed. It was through one of these friendships that I met Jeff. We started as friends, but we both felt connected in a way that was beyond friendship. Through our frequent interactions, the connection we shared intensified. It didn’t take long for us to start dating. Jeff knew about my male friends before we even started dating. And he never expressed any concern. When we started dating too he seemed okay with my male friends. I introduced him to them and they got along very well. You know when men meet, they don’t even c...

The first time I saw Sarah, I knew that she was the one for me. We were in the same class in training college. For the first year in school, I never spoke to her, even though in my mind I referred to her as my wife. She always had a faraway look in her eyes. As if there was somewhere she would rather be. She never tried to fit in or make friends. I observed that she looked extremely uncomfortable anytime she had to talk to someone in the class. This is why I couldn’t work up the courage to approach her. I didn’t want to spook her or scare her off. I watched her from a distance for over a year.  In our second year, we found ourselves working together on a group project. She was shy during our first encounter. I knew it would take time for her to relax around me. And I am a patient man. I was in no rush to push any agenda. I took my time coaxing her out of her shell. The longer we worked on the project, the more I interacted with her. Soon I started making progress. She s...

I was with my dad when his mobile phone rang. He picked up the call and handed it to me after a few seconds later. He said, “Someone from your school is on the call.” My first reaction was, “Who could that be? I hope I’m not in trouble.” I had concerns because there was no reason why anyone from my school would call me through my father’s phone. When I said hello, the person on the other end quickly introduced himself. “Hello J, this is Mike, your childhood friend. I am currently at your school to see you. I was told you didn’t report today. There is something important I want to discuss with you. When can we talk?” I didn’t know what to tell him so I said, “Give give me a few minutes, I would be in the school to see you.” Mike is someone I attended primary school with. I hadn’t seen him for ages. I didn’t even have the time to think about him. The last time I saw him was when my parents were living in the town Mike was in. After they moved, I didn’t see or hear from him ag...

Two years ago when he proposed marriage, I told him, “Let’s take our time. The world is not right. Everything is in a mess right now. I don’t even have a job and I don’t know when I’m going to get a job. Why don’t you wait until this pandemic is over and the road is clear for us to see the future very well?” His answer was, “We don’t know when this is going to be over. If it takes five years, should we wait all that while? It’s the new normal so we have to live life as if everything is normal. Tell your people. Let’s get married. All will be well.” I called my parents and told them about it. The first question my dad asked me was, “Is he aware that you’re jobless?” I answered, “He’s aware but he says he doesn’t mind.” My mom asked, “And he doesn’t mind about the situation we are in now? Why don’t you wait a little bit and see how things turn out?” I told her, “He wants us to get married and I don’t want to waste his time. You know men, tomorrow he might change his mind so I...

I met Silas when I was in my third year at the university. He came to my hostel to visit his girlfriend when he saw me. He changed his plans and engaged me in a conversation instead. At the end of our talk, we exchanged contacts. When he got home our conversation continued. He was easy to talk to and I always looked forward to hearing from him. Silas and I set a date and went to lunch. I went out with him only as a friend. Among the things we discussed on this lunch date, was my desire to go back to my ex. Silas said, “Oh I don’t think that’s a good idea. There’s a reason the relationship didn’t work the first time. If you go back to him now, that reason still remains.”  He is a divorcé with three children so I figured he was more experienced in these things than I was. I took his advice and didn’t go back to my ex. He also broke up with his girlfriend. A month into our friendship he asked me to be his girlfriend. I really liked him by then so I said yes.   His frequent v...

I am a midwife who just completed my national service. I had some weight issues that were affecting my health and my self-esteem. I tried diets and home remedies to burn fat but none of it worked. I remember how I even starved myself thinking that if I ate less I would lose weight. I only almost ended up getting a stomach ulcer. The next thing that I was left to try was workouts.  I wanted to do it in an environment that would motivate me to keep going when it got harder. So I signed up for a gym membership. I explained my health needs to them and why I needed to lose weight. They assigned me to an instructor who was very patient with me. His name is Kwame. When I signed up for the gym I thought I was going to be working out in a safe space. It turned out that the people at the gym were just as horrible as people out there. I was body-shamed constantly. I was called derogatory names like Obolo, Ngozi and other names that were meant to make me feel bad for being fat....