There is no relationship that doesn’t have the occasional heated debate. Disagreements are part of a healthy relationship but it is nonetheless important to choose carefully, the words you say during a heated conversation with your partner because the wrong choice of words may result in an escalation of issues.
As such, ensure that you remove the 7 Words and/or phrases below whenever you have a disagreement with your partner.
1. “But…”
Well, this word tends to rule out anything your partner was trying to say during the disagreement. Nobody likes to be dismissed or their points rendered invalid. Instead of using ‘But’, se the words “at the same time” or “and”. These words tell your partner that you respect their opinions even if you yours is different from theirs.
2. “Whatever!”
There are times that when we sense an argument coming up, we try to downplay and avoid it by bowing out as early as possible. This may necessitate our using the phrase “whatever, it’s fine.” It is mostly scary to anticipate the actions or behavioural patterns of our partners but trying to tackle whatever the cause of the problems are is what will make the relationship stronger.
Being intimate with a partner goes beyond being warm and cozy with them, it also requires the ability to feel like you’re safe enough to express anger with them. Feeling this way is healthy for the relationship.
3. “That’s ridiculous!”
Using this phrase tells your partner that their thoughts and perspectives on the issue causing the disagreement is invalid. There’s a chance you’d get into trouble if your aim is to subtly tell your partner you’re right and they are wrong during a disagreement.
Instead of using this phrase, it’s best to agree with something your partner has said then include what you’re thinking by saying, ” have you thought of looking at it this way?”
This helps you and your partner to express your different opinions which will encourage the both of you to find solutions that will be mutually inclusive.
4. “Really?, that’s just great.”
Nothing is more sarcastic than this phrase and saying such can aggravate tensions during an argument. This phrase holds the possibility of creating more distrust because it has a subtle aggressive tone which clearly doesn’t solve the issue.
Try and explain your point of view with sincerity, this will help to keep the conversation going and encourage communication.
5. “Can we just drop it.”
Having a disagreement with someone you love can be tiring and stressful but it is completely normal and understandable if any of you require a breathing space. This is because when tempers flare, it’s not best to shut down the discussion even though you may choose to put the discussion off for a later time till when tensions have gone down.
The thing to do is to let your partner know that you need some time out temporarily. Tell them you need some time to step back and process the situation that you both are arguing about. Promise them that you’d get back to it and make sure you keep the promise.
6. “You Hardly ever…”
Starting an argument with “you hardly ever” or “you always” tends to put your partner on the defensive not to talk of the fact that there’s no form of accuracy in your assertion.
Instead of using phrases that are accusing, it’s better to use more subtle words such as “I’m concerned about…”
7. “Calm down!”
The truth is that this phrase does the exact opposite of what you intended. Your partner clearly thinks what you’re telling them is that you can’t tolerate their tantrums. Try and make your partner feel safe by allowing them to express their feelings be it positive or negative.
If you’re not sure of why your partner is angry, ask the exact thing that angers them the most and try to find an amicable solution to it.
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